Recently a client gave me quite a challenge. He wanted me to help him find the NVC way to express himself to a family member where there has been a thick wall of conflict and resentment for years. He insisted, however, that it must not sound at all like NVC-speak. In other words, none of that formal, stilted NVC form. None of what the conflicted family member recognized as educated psycho-babble. He wanted it to flow and sound natural. Otherwise he was concerned the family member would tune him out completely. That person had heard NVC over the years many times from him, but had not heard it as authentic and natural. Instead it had been heard as some technique coming out of a book to try to outwit him, to get him to behave a certain way that was expected or demanded of him.
So we began. Issue by issue, line by line. It was quite an endeavor, because it has become so easy over the years to speak in the formal NVC way. To translate judgments into observations, without using the 4-step process was quite an exercise. To transform jackal attitudes into a giraffe-like energy without talking about feelings and needs so openly, was tricky. But we did accomplish just that. It took over an hour, but we were both satisfied and confident that we’d found the magic between the lines of the powerful NVC teachings.
I can help you to achieve the same authentic level of expression, but in a completely natural-sounding way. It is perhaps even more effective than following the book 100% all the time. It puts people at ease, even if you’re addressing a challenging or tense situation.